My torn ACL and I

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First of all, thank you for your love, well wishes, and prayers. There are few times when we can experience hope from others when we cannot access hope ourselves. This has been one of them. I am in deep gratitude to each of you that has cared.

I am also grateful that my injury was not worse. I could’ve torn everything in my knee, but only need surgery for the ACL. Other areas were slightly torn, but surgery is only required for the ACL. For those of you who weren’t aware – I tore my ACL playing basketball last week – Recovery will take up to 6 months. I may or may never be able to really play sports at the level that I was before – either way, I’m alive and well! Praise Jesus!

I was on a fast break – it was the last game of the night – it always happens during the last game – anyway, I stepped the wrong way while being guarded down the court and the rest is history. Mind you, I don’t have health insurance – that was my deepest concern while I was screaming on the floor – but all things work for good when you are in the Stream of His River – I have insurance b/c I quit work less that 2 months ago – if this happened 2 weeks later, I would be screwed – thank you COBRA Insurance! So lesson to all of you – don’t live without health insurance – it’s NOT worth it – even if you never use it – get it.

Those are the details – moving on to what really matters.

Could God defy the MRI and heal me? Of course. Will He? Maybe – I sure hope so. Healing is secondary. Here is what is primary. It doesn’t matter what happens to you in this life. It doesn’t matter if you are blind, if you are mute, if you have no limbs. The only thing that is certain is that nothing can keep you from accomplishing the thing that God has for you. His promise is certain. When He has a call and a purpose, physical ailments have very little to do with whether you accomplish them or not. In all honesty, I could have perfect knees and never come close to fulfilling His call on my life. I’de rather have a torn ACL and a completed mission, than 2 fully functioning knees.

The flesh is not necessary. We constantly say that as Christians, we die to our flesh – but we act like the flesh is so important – that’s why we can’t die to it. Lying in bed, I realize that the flesh is now irrelevant. As a performer, your body and physical strength is what you rely on. This is why an ACL injury to me means a bit more than for someone else. But my life’s worth can never be marked by how impressive my flesh is. My music was never based on how good of a songwriter/rapper/singer I was – it’s based on the call of God.

My calling is not to be a musician. My calling is to have a relationship with God. The inner man must grow, while the outer self will decay. The flesh is useless. The Devil cannot touch the consecrating work that has begun. The Devil cannot interfere with what God has intended. I realize my sin in this past week. I realize that I was clinging to my humanity. A torn ACL must equate to less potency on stage – but it doesn’t. How can it? Nothing can prevent the call of God on my life – nothing.

The grace of God must abound in us. Today, I realize this like never before. Being immobile is a prison like none other. A 6 month recovery time feels like I’m going to be set back severely – especially in a time in my life where I quit my job to catapult musically. However, when the grace of God dictates your life, then a torn ACL is just an opportunity to live deeper in His Spirit. My flesh is dying – very literally. We all desperately want to live by the Spirit, but we love the flesh. I have loved the flesh. This week, I have realized that nothing else matters – my calling even doesn’t matter. Only my relationship with God matters. Only living by His Spirit matters.

The hardest thing about being the patient is watching everyone else rely on what is useless. In many ways, I have been cured by this injury. In many ways, I am not the patient. The important thing is not that I get healed. The important thing is that the call of God on my life gets stronger. It must become more full of love, more full of grace, and less of my flesh. My flesh must die. If it took a torn ACL to realize the power of God’s Spirit in my life, then it is quite a small price to pay. May the grace of God abound in us. May we never be impressed with the flesh. Give us your Spirit dear God – give with no restraint. Peace, and much love to you – Jeevo.

PS. Hello music. Nice to meet you – all over again.

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